Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
