I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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