Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
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If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
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They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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