If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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