yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
