just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
