Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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