I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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