I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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