woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
