her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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