My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
