Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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