i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
