I just pynch a tree in the face
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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