so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
