Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
