wanna go halves on a baby?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
