Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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