Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
