Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
