Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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