the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
