Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
