Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
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We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
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We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize