how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
