they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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