dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
