remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
