Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
