I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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