the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
