he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
