***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
