You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
