I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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