so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
