I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
