Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
This is my gift to your gina
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
