I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I wish there were birth control emojis
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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