I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
