Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
NoShamevember. You game?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
