Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
