Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
