he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
