no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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