I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My penis needs a shock collar
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
