I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
