His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
