you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
