if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
