Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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