i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
