uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We left the knife in your bed.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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