OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
