and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
