I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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