I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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