man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Randomize
