When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
