what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
