Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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