Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
