i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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