I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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