hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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