I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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