i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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